New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
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