We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
