I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize