I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
