Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
