you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
