Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
