I think my vagina is haunted
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
