remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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