you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
