Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
