we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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