I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
