I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
