Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
so explain again why im purple
no
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
