You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize