i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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