She's JV to your varsity
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
