I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
