If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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