Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
