im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
