A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
