Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
