i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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