It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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