i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
