I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You took a bar mat shot.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
