No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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