I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
