Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
