I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
