I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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