I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
