Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
