i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
