I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
