i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
