I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
