My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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