Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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