South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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