Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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