i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
