Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You pole danced in your parka.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
