I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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