Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
