Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
