She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize