Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
