Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
