he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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