I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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