I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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