Plan B is the new Plan A
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize