Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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