tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
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