Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
