are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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