I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
