Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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