yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize