Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
