Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do vagina's smell?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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