She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
