He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
