In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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