Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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