Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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