shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
barbara walters just said penis...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
