pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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