So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
