meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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