sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
