I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
