i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
