You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
