I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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