Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
