just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize