im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
