Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
