I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
