...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize