I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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