Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
