super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
