Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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