I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He kissed a someone with a penis
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
