My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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