At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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