It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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