So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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