i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
